melaniexpearl's Xanga

Friday, December 12, 2008

Fri, 12 Dec 2008 18:31:53 GMT

since there`s something wrong with this xanga, i moved here:
www.xanga.com/melanie_pearl

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Thu, 11 Dec 2008 15:30:33 GMT

"Don't bother to tell me about william. I don't want to meet him yet; I won't approve until I see that he has an education. Alam mo totoo lahat yung ano sinasabi nya? How can I know that what he says or feels for you is real? You should keep your options open and just be friends."

I had such a difficult conversation with mom this morning. She says she isn`t completely against my relationship with william but she wants us to just be friends for now. She actually met him and made me talk to him when we were at his house, which is pretty ironic, so she knows he`s a nice, hard-working, and respectful guy. But she still doubts what he feels for me, especially because we only spend time together for very few days. Her biggest fear is that he won`t be able to support me if me and him get as serious as marriage. She wants me to have the best and be with the best so she wants me to keep my options open--- hence the just being friends suggestion.

She doesn`t understand that I don`t need any other option; all i want is him.

At first I was pretty hesitant starting a relationship with him also. Just meeting him and only spending two days for quality time together is a huge risk to start anything. But in time, he`s proven himself to me and I believe every word he tells me. In my heart, I don`t think I`ll ever find anyone who can love me the way he does-- No one ever has and no one ever will. I know life will be hard if my future is with him, but I don`t mind being the "dominant provider" in the family. I understand my mother`s worry but after talking to william, I know most of his lifestory. (I appreciate his honestly and openness, that`s how he earned my trust.) I know how hard he`s been working and all the sacrifices he made for others. For once, I want to be the one to be somebody to take care of him. Besides, it`s not like he`s gonna bum around while I do everything. He`s saving up money to go back to school and then work abroad-- mostly for my sake. I don`t even know where to begin to thank him for everything he`s doing just to make our relationship work. I`m aware it`ll be hard but I know I can overcome anything with him by my side.

My friend who is in a long distance relationship was having troubles with his girlfriend. Then he asked me, "How are you able to do it? You make it seem so simple."
The answer was easy. I said, "It`s because I have william."

It really hurt me to hear my mom say things like she just won`t approve. I wish she understood the lengths william is willing to go for me. And yes, it`s true I didn`t get to spend enough time with him but the time spend together was magical. I`m not one to just give my love freely, I learned from my past mistakes. Somehow, he ended up winning my heart. Even I`m surprised. He`s trying so hard to warm up to my parent`s, even writing a letter in hopes they won`t hate him, yet it`s like it`ll mean nothing to them. I really hope they start to open their minds and heart to him, at least little by little. He`s different, I wish they knew that as well as I do. I`ve never met anyone like him. I`ve never been as happy as the past 6+months with him and I don`t think I can ever feel this way with anyone else.

This isn`t just a simple phase. I can choose to trust him or not but I really have no reason to doubt him anymore. I`m madly and deeply in love with a boy and his name is william aromin.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 23:18:42 GMT

school is really stressing me out. i`m terrified that i`m going to fail so many classes. if that happens, i might lose my scholarship and then i wouldn`t know how i could finish my degree in time before i transfer. i don`t know what`s wrong with me. i`ve never felt this stupid before. -__-"

i wish this semester was over already.

Monday, November 03, 2008

Mon, 03 Nov 2008 23:02:41 GMT

he sees my weak points and seeks to understand them. he gives me a love as unexplainable as he is. i`ve never met anyone like him. he is beyond amazing and far more than incredible.
i`m probably the luckiest person alive.

Sunday, November 02, 2008

Sun, 02 Nov 2008 04:52:10 GMT

ugh. this is the last thing i need to be happening in my life.

yesterday, i was reminded of why i can`t stand the kind of person i am.
i really wish i could talk to him. he is everything to me. i would do anything for this boy. anything he asks of me, i do it in a heartbeat. if i can make him smile, suddenly everything i`m slaving myself over becomes worth it just for those few seconds. it`s insane how much he means to me. i love him more than i have ever found a way to say.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Mon, 20 Oct 2008 20:02:19 GMT

dear best friend,
you deserve to have happiness that lasts now until the long-run. please don`t settle for anything less.

i`m praying you find it, i really do. i probably didn`t help make things any better and i`m very, very sorry. just know i`m rooting for whatever decision you choose to make. i`ll always be in your side.

love,
your number one fan.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Sun, 19 Oct 2008 02:23:49 GMT

"I've never felt this before; because of you I get to experience being as happy as I am now. Its really hard to be far from you but because you're always there for me, nakakayanan ko lahat. You're my dreams that I never expected to become a reality.. wala na ako mahahanap na gaya mo."

the most incredible feeling is knowing that i make him happy. i know most of my recent blogs are things that he would say to me but it`s just that i can never get enough of this boy. he`s a sweetheart. being with him makes me feel perfected because he believes in me and loves everything i am. people dream of true and lasting love and i used to be one of them.. but i`m more than lucky enough to already have found it.. and i found it in him. it's because of him that i`m living the ultimate fairy-tale that`s beyond anything i`ve ever anticipated.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Mon, 13 Oct 2008 22:32:24 GMT

is it okay to miss you?...

dear grampa,
it's been one year since you left. until now, the picture of your loving smile is still painted vividly and clearly in my mind. until now, the soothing sound of your laughter has not grown faint. until now, i can still find comfort at the thought of you. visiting your grave yesterday was difficult, grampa. i thought i was doing perfectly fine, but the truth is each day that has passed, i missed you more and more. is that okay? is it really okay to miss you? sometimes i feel guilty because i know that my selfish tendencies still follows me. i`m sorry for crying yesterday, grampa. i`m sorry because i still wish you were here with me again. i still want to recreate our memories together and make new ones. and i'm sorry because it still saddens my heart to think that hoping for such things are simply beyond reach.
even though it feels like the pain still lingers from time to time, i want to thank you grampa.
the reason why i`m able to step forward is because of you. you influenced me and everyone else to find the strength deep inside and smile through the heartbreak. i'm lucky because God blessed me with a wonderful grandfather like you. ever since you were gone, i felt incomplete. but i realized the reason was because you took a piece of me with you, and that's okay. that's the part of me that will always remain with you. during the days that you were here, you were an angel. now that you're gone, that still hasn't changed.
i feel at ease to know that you're in paradise. i hope you still smile when you look down on me. the love you gave me is my greatest source of inspiration.

i love you grampa. i love you so much.

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Thu, 09 Oct 2008 02:33:57 GMT

me- I was told that I probably fell for you too hard, too soon. I was questioned what would happen to us in our future. How can we be together again? When can we be together again? You deserve the best. Are you really happy with me? Don't you prefer to be with someone you can actually hold, feel, and touch?.. Someone close? Am i not a burden to you? You're always so worried with trying to find time to text me or contact me in between your busy, busy schedule. You're just so wonderful with the way you love me, I'm just scared I'm wasting your time..

him- If you think i deserve the best, then I deserve you because to me you are the best. Loving me is the most wonderful gift I've ever received. And I'm not wasting my time hun.. Every single day that I spend waiting for my princess is wonderful because I believe that fairy-tales can happen in real life. I believe we can do it, just trust me. Mahal, please don't be tired of loving me and understanding me. Please don't give up on me, on us. You're not a burden to me.. besides, you made my life so light and inspiring. I don't know what to do without you. Give me another chance to prove how much you mean to me. You're worth the sacrifice, without you I wouldn't be as happy as I am now. I know that this sacrifice will end at the right time and that's when we'll be together again. We can do it, just trust to God. I really love you.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Wed, 08 Oct 2008 20:47:11 GMT

my life has a habit of either having absolutely everything crash down at once or have everything to be simply wonderful. i really hate it because i can never seem to handle it all at once either way. it's always so extreme.

today i had another meltdown. it happened at school, during my 3hr break. i don't want to let any of it get the best of me so i'm just trying to ignore it or push it aside. doing that never really worked for me though. i hope this time it will..

i really hope so.